of Marley and me
set off an embarrassing volume
of output from my tearducts.
i know,dammit,
i never really meant for myself
to be this
ridiculously soppy sentimental
drama queen,
but can you seriously imagine
anything as devastating as a
Dying Dog??
i absolutely can relate
to the Grogans when they say talk
about Marley as the world's worst dog.
for one, my Wagg,
is anything but a Trophy Pet:
1) Neurotic trash/poop-eating moron.
2) Finds the mighty will to climb
onto the table top for a spread of
Human Food and then whines on the realisation
that from the height of the table
he couldn't possibly jump down without
going first into a cardiac arrest.
3) Has separation-anxiety issues everytime
we leave him home alone, and yet
still have the nerve to
break into shivering trances
when we try to take him out for trips.
(i.e. No one's getting out of this house.)
4) His barks being
greatly improportionate to his size,
scare off even the bravest of
neighbours/guests/repair-men.
( oh and he has bitten a couple of them too.)
5) Is unable to socialise with fellow canines,
and has never been sexually-involved with
any bitch due to loss of manhood
through sterilization.
(to phase out dysfunctional DNA
forever from
the history of dachshunds)
6) Being a sausage dog,
he is awkwardly-proportioned,
long in length, short in height.
(i.e. He looks like a Joke.)
and so i don't see how you can fault
me when i
i call him a Son of a Bitch,
with all due respect for his Mother of course.
and yet
BECAUSE OF the disaster he is,
he fits so nicely into the family.
in fact, the first time we
met at the petfarm, he farted
right there when i carried him.
we figured he was spontaneous and
had a sense of humour.
Waggie has never been the
sort that your friends could
exclaim at an octave higher about
how CUTE (god-forbid the word) he is,
because _________
i don't know, i guess they just
say he's ugly to piss me off LOLZ
awesome friends LOVE U PEOPLE.
still
we could never settle for a
white gayball of cutesy fur the size
of your pencil case that
takes whining for an excuse for barking.
it is just not our family.
the world of humanbeans
is roughly split into
two camps -
Dog people and Non-dog People.
Non-dog people could never
understand how and why we
fuss over a four legged, salivating
beast the way we do.
and how could we ever explain ourselves?
humanbeans have never
given each other that sort
of undivided devotion, unconditional
loyalty and reliance that
our canine friends have.
maybe it is their inability
to verbalise but allows us to
come to this optimistic intepretation,
but whatever works, right?
WE LOVE THE WAGGIEZ.
12:02 PM